As you all know, I have been faced with some of life's harshest realities over the past 6 months. A life that was revealed to me and my children of lies and infidelity.
Of course the pain and grief over a loss that simply will not go away (unlike death, which slowly heals after burial...) is seemingly never ending. With my tears and great grief came the repeated declarations from friends and family that "you MUST get on some sort of medication to help with your depression!"
I assured them that I was not suffering from depression, but only from a broken heart; never the less, I finally gave in to the nagging and asked my physician if I should, indeed, be "on something?" (Medication Nation!!) Finally, she prescribed me some Zoloft and told me to begin taking it at half dose for the first week. I really did not want it, but decided maybe I should take "something", after all, "who wouldn't be depressed?" "Depressed" is not what I was, in no uncertain terms. I was heartbroken, pissed, disgusted, repulsed, completely blown away. Can you say "stupid?" well, I guess I was then; now its someone elses turn for stupid. Wiser now, my daughters and I will deal with issues of trust for a long time.
So I take a half dose of this medication, only to feel worse than ever afterwards.
I take the prescription bottle back to my doctor and tell her I don't really want it, nor do I feel I need it, as again I state, I am not "depressed" and believe in fixing a problem, not masking it with a prescription pill, as so many in America do these days. (Prescription drug abuse, especially among those who are involved in the medical professions, is a huge issue in our society today).
She then goes on to speak these magical words that probably very few physicians today speak...she told me:
"Diane, the best thing for you to do is to keep doing what you are doing, that is get outside every day as you do, take care of your cattle, get out in the sun and fresh air. Work with your hands and stay involved with the things that make you happy, which will keep you physically and mentally fit."
And she was absolutely one hundred percent right.
No medicine in the world will give you the satisfaction that one gets from the "fruits of ones labor". No anti depressant will take the place of a beautiful sunny morning, birds signing, a warm February breeze...the cattle running with glee, or dozing in the sun on the snow. The satisfaction of knowing the animals are well, calves are on the way, the wood is in before the rain comes, the gutters are all working, your house is in order. There is a satisfaction money cannot buy; no drug can offer, no tattoo can mask, no car can provide, the satisfaction of knowing that what you put your hand to is good, and that the results will be of benefit to yourself and others, that what you do with your time here on earth is decent and good; and will bring happiness and health to yourself and others. Tearing down, breaking apart families and homes for selfish desires, divorce, lies, drugs, all hurt people. Who will find true lasting happiness at anothers expense?
There is a reason the Amish have very little depression in their society...they are simply too busy taking care of things; their work, their families, their faith. True happiness, I believe, comes from serving others, not serving yourself. EMPATHY.
So my little foray into the Medication Nation halted on day one.
I think I WILL take my doctors advice, and "keep doing what your doing"
Because I know it is good, just, right and healthy. It benefits me and my children.
And that is GOOD MEDICINE for the heart body and soul.
"She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.."She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness..."
Still, words of wisdom.